


11.03

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Casual Sex, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Enemy Lovers, Established Relationship, Feelings, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Years, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Secret Crush, Slash, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 01:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13916577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: For the prompt: "They kind of just start casually sleeping together, catch feelings or had them already, and try to maybe be a thing together despite everything. Maybe start where one or both of them are like oh darn feelings. And then I kind of wanted to maybe see a bit more at the end of their actually trying a relationship and how they figure stuff out.  Angst, but with a touch of almost domestic. I was looking for something rated like M (the more casual rating)."





	11.03

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kenmasan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmasan/gifts).



Shizuo finishes up with Tom at exactly 11.30pm every evening. Not that Izaya’s stalking him. He’s just being practical. It’s good to know where and when a trash-can could fly at him at any minute.

If they don’t run into each other, if they haven’t arranged anything, Shizuo will sometimes stop for Russia Sushi on his way home. Sometimes he will stop at the store for some ice cream. Now is apparently one of those times.

Izaya watches from under his hood as Shizuo heads to the back of the store, instead of making a beeline for the desserts like he always does. He picks up one carton of milk after another, inspecting their expiry dates. Apparently satisfied, Shizuo takes one to the till and pays, also picking up a pack of cigarettes.

Izaya turns as Shizuo leaves the store, but not quickly enough.

“What are you doing here, Izaya-kun?”

Izaya smiles to himself. Nothing has been thrown at him. This is a good sign. He whirls back to face Shizuo.

“I’m bored,” he says, spreading his hands as he says it. He likes to exaggerate, knowing it annoys Shizuo.

“So get a hobby.”

Shizuo takes a cigarette out of his newly purchased pack. His tone is dismissive, but his voice hasn’t raised, and he still hasn’t thrown anything, so Izaya thinks he is in luck.

But Izaya has misinterpreted him: he is already walking away.

 **I** zaya could never figure out where it all went wrong with Shizuo. He remembers Shizuo hated him on sight, remembers it like it were yesterday, but he can’t remember why. Everything that happened afterwards he can hold his hands up to, but the beginning he doesn’t understand.

He goes home and finishes an assignment for Shiki and texts him to suggest they review.

Shiki thanks him and tells him to enjoy the rest of the holiday instead. It is New Year ’s Eve. Izaya’s least favourite time of the year. He sighs. He has a whole afternoon and evening to kill.

After dark, he goes up on the roof like he always does. It both scares and thrills him that one year he might not come back down the way he came up.

He texts Shizuo to wish him a happy new year. He doesn’t expect a response, so it is a nice surprise when his phone pings at 11.03pm.

_SH: It’s not New Year yet._

Izaya smiles.

_IO: You’re missing the point._

He waits.

_IO: Happy New Year ’s EVE, then._

_SH: Whatever._

And so ends another year.

_SH: Where are you?_

Izaya stares at his phone, wondering if this message had been meant for someone else. It is the first text he’s ever had from Shizuo that was unprompted.

_IO: I’m on my roof. Where are you?_

_SH: I’m at my brother’s._

Of course he is. Shizu-chan is always at his brother’s, or at his friend’s, or at someone’s birthday dinner. No wonder Izaya has to stalk him after work to get any time with him whatsoever.

_SH: Can I see you?_

Izaya heart skips. It’s almost romantic.

_IO: Yes._

_SH: I’ll be there in 20._

Wow. So he’s going to have a New Year’s Eve date after all. Perhaps they will be having sex by midnight. Perhaps they will even kiss.

_IO: Bring booze if you can._

_SH: Lol. OK._

Izaya snaps his phone shut with sudden energy. He is almost happy.

-

Instead of showing up with cheap sake or plum wine, as Izaya had expected, Shizuo comes up his fire escape with a full bottle of champagne.

“My brother did a campaign with this company, they gave him a crate,” Shizuo tells Izaya, taking a seat at his side. “Happy new year.”

“And I thought you’d treated me,” Izaya teases, but he’s delighted nonetheless. “You should have said, I would have got an ice bucket. I’ll go get some glasses.”

Shizuo is smoking when Izaya gets back. He doesn’t look tipsy, like Izaya thought he might be, 11.25pm on New Year’s Eve.

“Where did you tell your brother you were going?” Izaya asks him.

“Does it matter?”

Shizuo opens the champagne bottle, and fills Izaya’s glass before filling his own. Izaya clinks them together.

“Cheers.”

He takes a sip and looks out at the city lights. The wind rustles his coat, but it is not too cold. Shizuo sits there smoking and not saying anything.

Izaya waits for Shizuo to initiate something. He is tired of having to do it himself.

“…any new year resolutions?” he prompts eventually, when nothing comes.

Shizuo takes his cigarette out of his mouth to answer him.

“Same old. Lose my temper less. Quit smoking. Take things more seriously.”

Izaya’s is surprised at his candour. He says nothing about the cigarette currently between Shizuo’s fingers.

Shizuo glances at him sidelong when he doesn’t make a sarcastic comment.

“You?”

Izaya tries to think of one that is acceptable to admit, and in the end settles for a lie.

“Nah. I don’t believe in it.”

Shizuo is quiet for a moment.

“When you said you were on your roof, I thought you meant like a party with your neighbours.”

“Yeah, the stairway up isn’t really safe, as you probably noticed. Did you think you were coming to another party? Are you sorry you came?”

“No."

“Then why did you leave your brother’s?”

“Got bored.”

Izaya lets this sit.

“No-one knows you’re here right now,” he says, after a beat. “You could push me and everyone would think it was suicide.”

Shizuo gives him a long look. Not like he’s thinking about pushing him, but like the ‘S’ word has set alarm bells off in his head.

“It was just a joke,” Izaya says.

“Yeah, you’re really funny, sitting up here by yourself at this time of year.”

“That’s actually a myth. Statistically, people don’t kill themselves in December more than in any other time of year.” He pauses. “Is that why you came? You felt like being noble?”

“No.”

15 minutes pass. 11.45pm. They have another glass of champagne.

Izaya is getting nervous. Shizuo still hasn’t initiated anything. He’s barely even looked at him. Izaya’s struck with the sudden inevitability that Shizuo’s here to end it with him, that this is what the champagne and the grudging hospitability were about. Ditching Izaya would tie in nicely with Shizuo’s plans to ‘take things more seriously.’ Kasuka has probably set up a date for him already. Izaya wants to advance on Shizuo to change his mind, but he’s scared to touch him in case he’s literally, physically, rejected.

“My brother has a girlfriend now,” Shizuo says, out of nowhere.

Izaya blinks at him. Was Shizuo going to confide in him now? Izaya had always liked that the other man keeps him guessing, but sometimes it sends his anxiety through the roof. He waits for Shizuo to elaborate.

He notices the other man is putting away the champagne faster than he is. He wonders if Shizuo has had some bad news: if his brother is dying, if he’s moving away permanently. Izaya’s concentrating so hard on keeping his face neutral and his mouth shut, on not pissing Shizuo off for once, that he doesn’t notice the other man staring at his face.

“Do you hate me?”

This is getting weird. He feels like he’s missing something, like he is only getting fragments of the conversation.

“Don’t laugh it off or say something stupid. Just tell me.”

“,,,no.”

Izaya feels himself wilt like he’d been caught doing something he’d been sure he’d get away with. He wishes Shizuo hadn’t come.

Apparently satisfied, Shizuo continues.

“My brother and I were talking about relationships,” he says, intensifying Izaya’s fear that Shizuo has been set up and is about to tell Izaya to stay away from him. “Kasuka and Ruri have a hell of a lot in common with me and you. It got me thinking.”

Izaya frowns, confused. He waits for Shizuo to clarify, but nothing comes.  

It is 5 minutes to 12.

“Do you want to go inside?” Izaya hears himself saying.

“Don’t you want to see the fireworks?” Shizuo pours himself another glass of champagne and tops up Izaya’s. “You probably have lube in your pocket anyway.”

He does, he always does, his dignity has been on a steady decline for a while now.

Three minutes to go.

“You don’t look very happy,” Shizuo says, glancing at him. “New year and all. Maybe you should make a resolution.”

“What for?”

“Well, what do you want?”

He wants to jump off the roof. He’d wanted to before but now it has a sick grip on him that is more than just a shaky tug.

“Are you all right?”

When Izaya doesn’t respond, without warning, Shizuo leans over and kisses him. He tastes of champagne and smoke.

“You’re supposed to wait until midnight,” Izaya says.

Shizuo slips a hand into his waistband and doesn’t respond.

He kisses Izaya again, and Izaya mechanically puts his champagne down as Shizuo pulls him away from the edge so they can tussle without rolling to their deaths.

He forgets this may be the last time, forgets everything as Shizuo starts to unbutton his pants, still kissing him, urging him to lie back as voices raise around them, “5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

And Shizuo takes Izaya’s cock into his mouth as the sky explodes above them.

Izaya thinks he is just teasing him, but he keeps going throughout the entire display, and Izaya’s amazed he holds out himself when it’s been a while since anyone has done this to him, and Shizuo has never done it at all.

Shizuo moves up to kiss him while he’s still trembling.

“That was good,” he murmurs, and Shizuo rumbles something in response.

“You missed the fireworks,” Izaya says, because he can’t shut up even when he really needs to.

“I’ll see ‘em next year,” he says, and Iz laughs shakily, not fully understanding, barely having the sense of mind to grab the champagne bottle as he’s dragged inside.

-

Izaya wakes up alone.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t open his eyes, even, but he can tell Shizuo is not there, that the warmth is gradually leaving the space next to him.

He fucking knew it.

The toilet flushes then, making him stiffen. Izaya opens his eyes. Shizuo’s clothes are still scattered on the floor. Perhaps he will come back, dress and leave. Izaya listens to him wash his hands.

He closes his eyes as Shizuo opens the bedroom door. Shizuo gets back into bed behind him and slips his arms around him. After a few moments he is asleep.

-

The champagne bottle is still on the table where they left it. Izaya realises they have forgotten the glasses. He quite likes the idea of them up there by themselves, like an invisible couple having a picnic.

“What do you want to eat?” he asks Shizuo.

“Anything. I’m easy.”

It’s new year’s day, so they have pancakes with berries and sugar, and he brings Shizuo a glass of milk.

Shizuo’s phone pings a few times. He gives it a disinterested glance now and then, and eventually turns it on silent.

“Why did you tell me all that stuff last night?” Izaya asks him.

“What stuff?” he says, frowning.

“You know. About Kasuka and all that.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I told you very much.”

Izaya notices he is starting to twitch.

“Cigarettes?"

“Yup.”

“Do you have nicotine patches?”

“Not with me. They’re at home. Maybe I should- “

“We can go to a drugstore,” Izaya interrupts him.

“Nowhere will be open.”

“A vending machine, then. There are loads round the block.”

Shizuo agrees, and they go off a hunt. It takes longer than he expects. They find machines with candy, toys, cigarettes (of course), street maps, underwear, but no nicotine patches.

“I feel like I’m at a fucking vending machine museum,” Shizuo complains, but he’s not as annoyed as he normally would be. Izaya is realising that Shizuo often just looks grumpy when he really isn’t, the same way Izaya can look like he’s sneering or smirking when he isn’t. Well, not always.  

They’re eventually able topurchase a batch, and Shizuo lets Izaya slap one inside his arm.

“I made it 18 days last time,” Shizuo says, sounding dubious. “And 7 of those days were on vacation.”

“Ah, don’t think of it like that,” Izaya says. “Just tell yourself that you’re just going to go the rest of today without a cigarette. Then do it again tomorrow. Cross each day off your calendar so each day becomes a chain. You won’t want to break it.”

“How do you know all this? You given up any bad habits lately?”

He continues when Izaya doesn’t answer.

“I started smoking when I started working in bars,” Shizuo tells him. “It was a way of getting out to relax.”

“You can still get out to relax,” Izaya tells him. “Go for a walk. Carry a book around. Get an app on your phone to learn a language or something. Take pictures of things.”

“What do you do to relax?”

He thinks, but he can’t think of anything. He’s always burning with energy and need all day every day, with work and things he has to say and wanting to be close and laugh, and by the time his fuse has blown out it is the end of the day he’s ready to sleep.

“Sleep. And sex.”

This makes Shizuo laugh. They head back to Izaya’s as it starts to rain.

-

They finish the champagne after dinner. It gets dark, and Shizuo still doesn’t leave.

-

Shizuo sees Izaya the day after next, by arrangement. After that, they agree to meet on Saturday.

From there, Izaya never has to hang around for him after work to see him, although sometimes he does anyway.

31st January, Shizuo texts Izaya with a picture of his calendar, neat rows of crosses for every week. He texts Izaya every day that they don’t see each other.

“You’re doing well with your resolution to throw less things too,” Izaya tells him when they meet, over tea, thinking he hasn’t had a bruise from him since December. Except sex related ones, but those didn’t count. “Or whatever it was.”

“Oh, I’m not,” he sighs. “I threw a bus stop sign at my old boss today.”

“That sounds wonderful. I wish I’d been there. Did you miss?”

“Why do you always assume I miss?” Shizuo grumbles. “No, I got him. He flipped over backwards. You would have loved it.”

“You always miss me,” Izaya points out.

“You’re fast,” Shizuo says. “This guy’s fat and he thinks the fucking world owes him something.”

“We should go to his bar as customers and give him a really hard time.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t want to give him my money.”

“We can give him mine, I don’t mind. If we complain enough he might have to give us something for free. And we can leave a nice big tip for whoever’s in your old role.”

Shizuo shakes his head, but he is smiling.

“I can think of better places we can go.”

-

Shizuo still talks to Izaya about Kasuka and Ruri, fragments of their conversations, what they’d been up to. Izaya’s not sure what he’s meant to do with this.

“Are you coming over tonight?” he asks, as soon as Shizuo shuts up. He’s not shy about asking any more.

“I’m seeing Kasuka and Ruri tonight.”

“Oh,” Izaya says, deflating. He tries to remember if he has anything to work on.

Shizuo is looking at him like this is not the response he’d been after.

“Do you want to come with us?”

“…Come with you?” Izaya repeats, so abruptly it must sound rude, but Shizuo is smiling at him.

“Yes, Izaya-kun, come with us.” He puts his arms round the informant and nuzzles his hair. Izaya has had a month to get used to this new behaviour, but sometimes he still feels like he’s holding his breath, like everything could slip away from him at any moment. But maybe it wouldn’t.

He breathes out.

“OK…?”

Shizuo squeezes his hand.


End file.
